Why Am I Obsessing Over This Person?
If you’re obsessing over someone who isn’t showing interest in you, it’s your mind’s way of protecting you from feeling the pain of rejection.
Because you were likely abandoned in some way emotionally, mentally or physically growing up and that wound is still very deep and painful.
I have recently been working with a coaching client who's been married for 30 years and is just now learning about all the ways in which childhood abandonment has negatively impacted the marriage they are now working on trying to mend. We're working through this together to step outside of the unconscious patterning and create new, healthier ways of connecting and expressing.
It's never too late to break free from these patterns! Start now.
Of course rejection stings for everyone, it's normal, we're human. But are you regulating yourself in a healthy way or are you self-abandoning?
Obsession about someone else who isn’t showing up for you is your mind’s way of taking the focus off the pain within that is simply too much to feel right now.
But ultimately this coping mechanism will not serve you.
Or, perhaps you’re begging them to show up for you and choose you.
This may temporarily ease the anxiety that’s building in your chest, but it will not give you the security of feeling worthy of love like you’re actually looking for.
It will only deepen the wound that says you must beg, plead or abandon yourself to receive “love”.
Your anxiety and wounds may be saying, “if I can just get them to choose me, I’ll know I am worthy of love”.
But when you beg someone to love you and show up for you, you’re ultimately abandoning yourself and the little you within.
You’re sending the message to yourself that love must be earned and you don’t deserve a love where someone is present and consistent with you. You’re abandoning your needs and desires of respect, safety, commitment and more.
Instead of sitting in the pain and loving and respecting yourself, you’re giving your mind evidence, “see, this is the level of love we deserve”.
This is NOT your fault. Of course you want love. Of course you want to be chosen. But it’s the wounded part of you that is sticking around, replaying these patterns.
Once you begin healing, that version of you won’t stick around for less than what you deserve.
What can you do instead?
Sit with that inner child, sit with you, and give them and yourself that love, support and attention that created this abandonment and rejection wound in the first place.
If you and your inner child are in pain right now, and you keep obsessing over, and reaching for, this other person who has chosen to not show up for you, what message does that send to you and your inner child? More “evidence” that you’re not worth showing up for.
But, that ends now. You are the person who can show up for you and the little you within ❤️🩹
Another easy, yet wildly impactful place to start for more meaningful dating and connections? Get my juicy, deep and transformative 100 Questions to Ask While Dating Guide! No more superficial conversations that go nowhere. No more ignoring red flags. Start dating with intention to truly find someone in alignment with who you really are. How beautiful is that.